I am most definitely a women and I enjoy it

International Women’s Day 2018

I had a lot of time to think while climbing up Mount Kilimanjaro last week… I had even more time to think coming down.  Soon, I will collect those thoughts and put them into writing.  Today though, today isn’t about celebrating my successes or failures.  Today is about celebrating all women, all over the world, for all of their successes and, I believe anyways, their failures as well.  We learn about ourselves when we fail.  As women, we have a voice deep within that tells us failure is not an option, and so, when we slip and fall down, we figure it out and find a way to do it better. 

I’ve had some men ask what today is about or why we need a day to acknowledge women? The point of this blog isn’t to focus on the negative, but I’ll share a few screen shots of the things I’ve faced by being an outspoken advocate for women.  I sometimes wonder if the tolerance for such immature and ignorant statements would be less if they were racial slurs or homophobic in nature? I wonder why as women we are supposed to just tolerate it when websites like Let’s Run allow sexist and misogynist threads to remain active?

Regardless of the nature, especially now, we all need to check our ignorance, prejudice, and stupidity at the door and strive for a place where we are all safe.

(Rant over… back to the positive).

During my climb I thought of all of the women that made that journey possible.

I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have witnessed firsthand the brutal strength, the endless compassion, the fierce protectiveness, and the gut wrenching failures of the women around me.  I shouldn’t be, but I am always surprised by the feeling of immense pride and admiration I feel when I see a fellow teammate, a friend, a sister, my mother, succeed where many would have thought trying again would be fruitless.

I’m not known for my soft side.  I tend to fall into the category of women that grew up thinking that being tender was a sign of weakness.  I know better now and I’m working on it in my adult life.  It has been through the acts of the fierce ladies around me that I have learned that there’s no weakness in being soft.

My brain floods with examples but there are a select few that I’ll share here. 

Kate Van Buskirk!! Talk about one of the strongest women I think I’ve ever met.  She never gives up. She never gave up.  And look at what she’s accomplishing now.  In my view, Kate has shown she has the athletic talent and dedication of any world class athlete on the track but it’s what she shows of her own private life that demonstrates what it means to be a strong woman.  Last Spring, without a flinch she came to my hospital room and helped me wash my hair.  She was the first person to pop into my mind that I could call and ask to come help me.  We might still giggle at the fact that she got to see my in all my naked glory (which included 30+ extra pounds of water weight), but behind those giggles I feel an enormous sense of gratitude.

Sasha Gollish!!  Here’s another women who’s strength on the track is only matched by the size of her heart off the track.  When I first moved to Toronto it was Sasha who invited me for family dinner so that I could have a sense of home.  She’s always been there to call on long drives or commiserate with when running and our bodies just aren’t blending as well as we’d like.  Sasha isn’t afraid to be a voice for her fellow female athletes, academic colleagues and anyone in between.  She introduced me to Fast and Female and I have loved seeing how whole heartedly she dedicates herself to the program.

Bethany McChesney-Janzen!! From climbing out of her window when we were teenagers to showing up at my doorstep in Toronto with a bike, rollerblades and a plan to get my mind off of missing World Champs last summer, Bethany has always been someone who’s strength I’ve admired.  In high school, our friendship was the first time I realized it was possible to be a fierce rival and a fierce friend with the same person. I’ve watched Bethany look at a cliff and without flinching start to climb it, and then the next moment be tending to her two little kids.  The world is not ready for the daughter Bethany is raising… I hope that by the time she is an adult WE have shaped the world differently.  Either way, women everywhere will be in good hands with Emerson ;P

Natasha Wodak!! Countless miles run together, run against each other, and spent cheering from the sidelines. I have had some of my highest and lowest moments with this lady.  I have watched her battle back from injury, heartache, life upset and more.  The fierceness we see when she refuses to give up a step in a race is the same fierceness I see her attack her friendships (and her affection for cats).

My Mum, sisters, and grandma!! I am fortunate to have amazing women who have come into my life... but I am forever grateful for the women who have been stuck with me since day one.  I may look adopted next to their incredibly blonde hair, but I know we are cut from the same cloth every time I watch them press on through the impossible to see success.

I have said previously that I will consider my career a success if I leave the sport better – not necessarily faster – but better for the next generation of girls. It wasn’t until I finished my climb that I realized my sport has left me better – and it has nothing to do with the miles that I have run.  I actually think running might have destroyed me last year if it wasn’t for the strength of the women I had around me.

Think Up

The view from the top is pretty but …

I’ve been fortunate in my life and both my careers to have had the view from the top and the view from the bottom. I say fortunate because both views, despite being scary as shit, have their appeal. Look up from the bottom and you feel the thrill of how far you have yet to climb; look down from the top and you see how far you can fall.  So, which view is my preference?

I’m short. I’ve spent my entire life craning my neck, tilting my chin, rolling my eyes, to look up. It’s my normal. It’s comfortable. It’s the view I prefer. I’d pick the long hard climb to the fast free-fall any day.

Maybe that’s why I am fine now.  Despite the last year being less than ideal – personally and professionally – I am actually, for the first time in a long time, fine.  I’m not looking forward. I tried forcing that this year and the most movement I made was two steps back for every one step forward. I’m not looking down, because, to be frank, I’m pretty sure I’ve found a new bottom. 

I’m looking up.

I’ve always struggled with change of speed.  My coach has always thrown different pick-ups into workouts and long runs to try to teach my body to respond to pace changes mid-race.  Changing pace has been incredibly difficult for me this year.  I fought it.  I tried to push and force my body to recover, telling myself that I was perfectly fine after my spring stay-cation at St. Michael’s hospital. It’s been a hard lesson to learn that slowing life down has actually allowed me to speed up – maybe not in the form of fast miles yet, but certainly my health and recovery.

Speed “up” by slowing down.

“I’ve been here before”.  That’s been my mantra this fall and it is serving me much better than the other battle cries and rallies I’ve tried. I used “new bottom” because I am not where I was in 2012 when I hit bottom. Then I was jobless, homeless, not on the Olympic team and hopeless.

I am not where I was as recently as this spring when I was in hospital, fighting sepsis; celebrating if my pee was more urine than blood that day.  No. Now I am at a bottom where I have accepted that this is a new climb, but a familiar one.  That I still have ownership over my body, even if it’s a slightly different one.

“Up”. It is not a new concept for me. It was the cue word I used as a figure skater. “Think “up” when you jump instead of “don’t fall” - otherwise the last thing your brain is going to remember is “fall””. Advice almost as simple as #makeyourlegsgofast. I’d ride my edge, pick my toe into the ice, draw my weighted leg in while pivoting, pressing down into the ice while simultaneously drawing upon its force to catapult me into the air. And in those final few milliseconds think “up” as I snapped up, wrapping my arms and legs around each other, and I’d, for that split second of rotation, feel long. I felt tall.

Think “up” so you don’t fall. 

“Up. Up. Up. Can only go up from here”. Thanks Shania, but I politely beg to differ. Going up. Picking yourself up. It’s a choice.  It’s not a decision made by default. Despite finding bottom, you can always try your hand at digging further.  Plenty of people do. You can head forwards. Actively decide to slide backwards. It is all a choice. 

For 2018 I am choosing to think “up”.

Still Beating Like a Hammer

I have been toying with this blog post for a while now.  Trying to decide how exactly I wanted to describe and express my Olympic experience… the journey before and the emotions after. 

The basic gist of my Olympics included having an amazing set up rooming with Brianne Theisen-Eaton, Melissa Bishop, Phylicia George, Angela Whyte, Nicole Sifuentes, Jess O’Connell & Maria Bernard.  Having the majority of my roommates come in with previous Olympic experience helped calm me. 

The Olympics were an opportunity for me to foster relationships… with my sport, my teammates, and the bears that I’ve poked.  It was a chance for me to fall in love… with the marathon again.

I wish I could say my Olympic prep went off without a hitch and training for it was the dream of all dreams.  The reality was far from that… it was ugly.  Sickness in April.  Junk Iron all Spring.  A jenky left leg that has been a growing pain in my “not so runner sized” ass since 2012.  Emotional stressors.  And finally, the #doubledouble debacle.  (What can I say? Sometimes I tend to rock the boat).

Those who know me well know that I do not download music.  Instead, I travel around through my gypsy life with a stack of old CDs in a beat up silver case held together by a rubber-band.  When I packed up my car… my life… my home and made my way out to Arizona in January I made sure to run back into the house and grab my music stack.  When I left AZ and spent two months in Vancouver, much to Natasha’s dislike, I came with my amazing music selection.  When life took an unexpected turn and I packed up and returned home to London, Ontario for my final Rio training block, the musical stylings of Lanni came with me.  My soundtrack to the Olympics.  We are talking nothing much newer than 2010… other than a Wiz Khalifa and Miley Cyrus CD my roommate burnt for me…  a lot of mixed CDs that my siblings were looking to toss that I rescued, a few I burnt back in high school. 

Throw in a disc and I am instantly 17 again driving with my sis Randi and friend Bethany to Port Stanley Beach.  A Tragically Hip CD that I titled “God’s Band” in the hopes of convincing my southern friends to like them. Pop in another and it’s driving to my late night law classes at Michigan State belting out some Kings of Leon.  There is one though that I can’t tie to a particular time… one that seems relevant to the last 4 years.  “Let’s break up”… a mix CD my older sister gave me and one that I am not embarrassed to say has been played a time or two-hundred during the end of a relationship (don’t worry… this isn’t a break-up blog… I already did one of those).    It has been the soundtrack to countless drives up and down I-75 between Chattanooga and London, Ontario.  The disc most regularly left in my car’s cd player.  The cause of a lot of bad car dancing… worse singing.  It’s scratched.  It skips. It’s perfectly imperfect.

It opens up with Metric’s “Help, I’m Alive” and leads into “Your Ex-Lover is Dead”. It also has gems like “Bulletproff” “Magnetic Baby” and Madonna’s “Revolver” and “I’m not Sorry”… I heart Madonna… and I’m so not sorry.

It’s the opening song that I have worn out… its chorus and verses often stuck in my head on training runs.  The song that was running through my mind on the start line of both races.

“If I stumble… they’re going to eat me alive”

Everyone wanted to weigh in on the double.  Everyone had their expectations and opinions.  If I pulled it off, would it be good enough?  If I failed?  “They’re going to eat me alive”.  Do not be upset or confused here.  I loved the support I received and will forever be amazed by the way the Canadian and running community at large stood up and took up for me… wanting to see me run both events in Rio. ‘preciate ya.  But with the attention came pressure.  Suddenly everyone was weighing in on my personal goals and aspirations.  My intentions and abilities celebrated by most, questioned by some. 

For some reason it was not until I stood on the start line of the Women’s 10,000m that I realized there was no turning back.  I trembled… time to find out if I would be eaten alive. 

“Help I’m alive. My heart keeps beating like a hammer”

Like most races, once the gun went off my mind turned to the task at hand and the nerves melted away.  Unlike the track races earlier in the season, I felt in control in this race.  The pace was on a runaway train. We had a few trip-ups… but I never gave up.  I fought for every step. That’s what I do.  If the concern was whether I would put in an “A” effort knowing there was something bigger and tougher to come in 46 hours, those thoughts were for the jaded… the faint of heart. I have never been attracted to easy.  I crossed the finish line with nothing more of myself to give.

“Hard to be soft. Tough to be Tender”

Being in professional sport… having a professional career outside of sport… being a woman doing both… it does not allow for much time to do much of anything other than present myself as tough… as hard.  Looks can be deceiving.  Miles and miles run have hardened my body… hours and hours of work have toughened my mind.  Both requirements to get to the Olympic level in sport. Necessities for parts of my life but not allowed to harden me to life.

“If you’re still alive… my regrets are few.  If my life is mine. What shouldn’t I do?”

My expectations and reality were quite different during those 46 hours.  I thought I was going to be emotionally and physically drained.  I thought I might feel dread.  I thought the fear of stumbling was going to hit.  Instead I was amped.  In the place of fear was confidence.  I was not bothered by the doubts of others… the inconsiderate thoughts of those who were too stubborn to truly try to know me.  I was going to work.  And I’m good at what I do.

Running that marathon was one of the best experiences in my life.  There were parts that were tough.  Patches here and there where my head trumped my heart… other parts where I was running with pure heart.  I can be analytical about most things.  Overly pragmatic apparently.  But when I think of that race it isn’t the splits or tactics I remember… I remember running with a calm I haven’t felt before.  I remember the excitement of knowing you were watching.

“I get wherever I’m going. I get whatever I need”

Relationships end.  It happens.  Usually you see it coming… other times you feel a little blindsided and confused. My relationship with the Olympics started out rocky back in 2012.  We got over our initial falling out, apologized and actually forgave. We faced a few more bumps and grew together the last four years.  I have come to view my road to Rio as a well-rounded and full relationship.  It was ugly at times. It was hard.  It was worth it. 

As I find myself in the final weeks prep for New York City marathon, I once again find myself with my busted CD case and stack of CDs.  I find myself listening to “let’s break up” slightly unsure of which ended relationship it’s helping me run through.

Recovery on the Road

 

The season is off and running (pun intended) and so begins my tour of training camps and race locations. I packed up my training gear, some street clothes, and my recovery pump at the start of January and have been on the road since. From Chattanooga, to Ottawa, to Kenya, to Montreal, to Ottawa, to New York, to Vancouver, to San Francisco, and now in Flagstaff... it’s been a busy last four months and it will not be letting up anytime soon.

I opened up my season in New York with the United New York Road Runner’s half marathon on a tough course and in some windy conditions. The following weekend I raced the Modo 8k in Vancouver and then had two very wet and cold weeks of training. I headed to California for the true test of my early season fitness at the Stanford Invitational where I raced the 10,000m on the track. The field wasn’t what I hoped for so I ended up running the entire race solo. I came away with an 18 second personal best, running 32:11, which puts me very close to the World Championship standard of 32:00. So here I am… back at altitude here in Flagstaff hoping to find 12 more seconds when I head back to California for the Payton Jordon track meet.

Packing for months of travel, training and racing is not fun… planning and locating massage and treatment options proved to be a bit of a hassle in some locations, so I found I was really reliant on my RecoveryBoots to keep me going through heavy training loads and hard workouts. I found them especially helpful when I needed my hands free to work from the comfort of the living room and to eat some fried chicken and waffles post-race.

It's a Celebration

It took 2 races in Ottawa, and returning to the Toronto Zoo 4x (2010, 2011, 2012, & 2013), but I finally did it! I finally got to break the tape as the Canadian 10k Champion

First thing on the Calendar after Worlds was the Canadian 10k Championships. I had come back to training after Moscow feeling pretty strong. I did a little Cross-Country race in Nashville for fun, and ran the marathon portion of a Rev3 in Ohio as a solid training run. Then, like the fool I sometimes am, I decided that I did not need any help moving some items from Georgia up to Chattanooga, and tweaked my left quad the weekend before the Championships. I will admit that I was a bit concerned, but was able to get in touch with Ron O'Hare, one of our top notch Canadian physios in the Toronto area and had him work on it the Thursday before the race.

It was a rainy and grey day for the 10k race, but true to form the Canadian Running Series crew had everything under control. I knew it was going to be a tough race with Krista, Natasha and Loudmilla all lining up to join in the fun. My plan was simple, get out and get a gap on the more straight part of the course and hope to maintain it until the end. I was pleased with how my quad felt during the race, and was quite surprised when I realized that I had actually extended my gap over the second half of the course.  After finishing everywhere from 2nd to 5th, I finally pulled off the title, and my Mom was there to see it! 

The weekend was capped off with some celebrating down here in Tennessee at the Titans Football game followed immediately by a Nashville Predators game... the perfect "man day" as my brother put it.

Fitness Friday - err... pre-race recovery

Ok, so tomorrow I make my return to racing at the Crim 10 miler here in Flint, Michigan. I made the road trip up here yesterday and have been chilling in my hotel room with my Colorado running buddy Deanna Ardrey.
Yes, I opted to drive up to the race. Yes, there was a lot of car dancing. Yes, I still hate Ohio. No, I'm not crazy.
I'm actually going to jump up to Canada after the race tomorrow to visit the fam, and so that I can then cross back over the border to have my paperwork processed. Fun... eh? eh? Let's hope that border patrol do not find me "too hot to cross" again, and I get through in a timely manner.

So, since I am racing tomorrow my "fitness friday" hasn't been to "fit" feeling.  Dee and I went for a shake out run and will hit up the pasta dinner tonight... that's about the extent of today.
I'm not looking for much out of my race tomorrow... Just a solid effort to see how my body is coming back from this dang ankle injury.  I have been able to maintain some form of fitness swimming and rollerblading... but man, I now understand why people complain about running. It's hard! I didn't remember it hurting this much to get back in shape.
Anyways, enough sounding like a wimp for me.
Next week I'll be "fit" again, I promise!

Fitness Friday

http://runningtimes.com/Article.aspx?ArticleID=16625

Ok, so it's again time for some core, strength, and stability work! This week I chose to reacquaint myself with the strength routine from Coach Jay Johnson. During law school I was usually pretty good about coming in from a run and jumping right into these exercises. Maybe it was because my laptop was usually already out from homework, or it served as a good distraction while I waited for my dinner to finish cooking... but since I have been living my new double life, I have fallen off the wagon.
Rollerblading has shown me how weak my hips, bum, and lower back have become, so I opted to do "Part 1" of the general strength exercises.

First, of course, I foam rolled:

Then I set into the exercises:

Plank, Side Plank, Supine, Side Plank - x20 seconds each

Clams - x10 each side

Lateral Leg raise - Neutral x4, Toe Out x4, Toe In x4 - switch sides

Donkey Kicks - x10 each side

Donkey Whip - x5 each side

Fire Hydrant - x10 each side

Knee Circles - Forward x10, Backwards x10 - switch sides

Hurdle Trailing Forward - x10 each side

Hurdle Trailing Backward - x10 each side

Lateral Leg Swing - x10 each side

Linear Leg Swing - Straight knee x10, bent leg x10 - switch sides

I did this workout after rollerblading along the Silver Comet Trail, so my hips were pretty tired by the end of it... the goal will be to work up to going through it 2-3x after several of my easy evening runs each week.
I finished up my core strength by throwing on the Ab Ripper X video from P90x and called it a day!

Fitness Friday: Fitness on the Mend

http://www.cupcakedujour.ca/2012_06_01_archive.html
Ok, So I am officially back to training and... BACK WORKING! Yah me! I have been able to pick up some part-time work at Speek & Webb (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Speek-and-Webb-PLLC/263925700298864), a law firm based in Chattanooga, TN. As I continue to focus my attention on getting my ankle back to 100% and my body back ready to run a fast marathon in October, I decided I need to return to my roots and pay attention to cross-training. Yes folks, this means I'm back rollerblading, swimming/aqua-jogging, and hitting up the core, drills, and stretching. As you can imagine, the whirl-wind of a trip my life has been on for the last 12 or so weeks caused me to let things fall to the way-side, causing my body to remind me that it's doing the small things that keep me healthy... lesson learned the hard way. So, in my attempt to keep myself on track, I am going to start posting my cross-training/strength building workouts on here! This week, I did the Core Synergistics workout from P90x. I love doing this workout... though Tony Horton can be a bit much at times. It switches things up enough that I don't lose interest part way through, and it helps me focus on my hip strength and flexibility... my trouble spots. I last did this workout with my lil' big sis when I was in Vancouver, BC. I had to modify it then because of my foot, but was still able to get a lot of benefit from it. I've shared the link to her workout blog... as you can see, it took matching outfits to motivate us to get going ;D.

"Fitness on the Mend"
Sometimes, our bodies don't behave. Despite our best intentions, and most ardent care, we get tired, we break down, we get injured. This post is about working out through injury. Or more specifically what to do, when you can't do what you usually do. My sister was in town this week to race in a half marathon. On her first day here she ran 15 miles. On day 2 she did a 8/6 double. Day 3 brought 400 repeats. And then, something went wrong... She began noticing a tightness in her ankle. Hopeful it would settle down by race day, she tapered her training, did the old RICE standby, and bought some Advil. On race day, we were awaiting her triumphant appearance at the finish line, when my phone rang. She had pulled out at 4 km. The medical team suspected a sprained ankle, or perhaps worse.

How does a runner keep their fitness level up when they can't run? They get creative.

We put matching outfits. We threw on p90x. We improvised.

Low Lateral Skaters:

Bow to Boat:

Squat X-Press:

Reach High and Under Push-ups:

Fitness waits for no man.

They Said No

After the smoke of our blazing fast Rotterdam races cleared and we submitted our petition to be named to the 2012 Canadian Olympic Team, we received our first "No". Are we surprised? Not really. Are we frustrated? Very. Are we going to walk away? Never.

Birthday Surprises: Post Rotterdam wrap-up

Well... I guess my trip to Kenya was a successful venture eh?! 2:31:50 for 5th place at the Rotterdam Marathon! I must say I am very happy with that and will call it my birthday treat to myself.
I must say that leading into the race, knowing that Krista DuChene was in amazing shape after her Around the Bay finish, I really thought we'd have two women under the Olympic A standard for Canada... well, we were close... fingers crossed we were close enough for it to count.
http://runningmagazine.ca/2012/04/sections/news/crm-podcast-10-rotterdam-success/
What a trip these last few days has been! Definitely has had its highs, and well... some pretty World shattering lows for me.
I flew out for Rotterdam on April 11th... my birthday! I figured my trip to Rotterdam would be the start of an awesome adventure, and well, maybe set my life on a brand new path... boy, did I get that second part right. Just as I was finishing packing and getting ready to start my journey I received an email. No need to go into the details of it, other than to say that it caught me completely off guard and still has my head spinning. Ladies and gentleman, I am returning to Chattanooga as one of the fastest Canadian female marathoners ever... and joining the ranks of the unemployed. And for those of you doing a double take... yes, it happened in an email.
So now, whether by choice or by default... I am a runner. I must give myself a little pat on the back for putting my lawyer related woes on the shelf while lining up to race... heck, if I'm going to be told I'm distracted by running, I'd better be able to shut out the rest of the World and RUN!
Though I'm a little freaked out about what these next few steps in life are going to be and where they are going to take me, I am excited to start on a new journey. Those of you who know me well know that I have always had a plan; a path that I set out on and stuck to until my 28th birthday... we all know how bumpy that path has been this last year... I'm thinking it's time to enjoy the ride and see where I end up.
Luckily, I have some great friends... in the South, in East Lansing, and back home that I know have my back and are ready to help me make those first few steps into the unknown.

New Year... New View

Confidence: belief in own abilities: self assurance or a belief in your ability to succeed

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH:

Conceited: (1) too proud: having or showing an excessively high opinion of your own qualities or abilities (2) creatively witty: imaginative, fanciful, witty, or ingenious ( archaic )
Synonyms: self-important, proud, vain, smug, arrogant, high and mighty, superior, stuck-up, snobbish, self-satisfied, big-headed, narcissistic
Antonyms: modest

So a year has gone by since I started this blog, and it would seem that "New Beginnings" was more than an appropriate title for my first entry. I have started and re-started several times in the last 12 months... now I think it's time to hit the re-set button altogether.

I am happy to report that my hip has finally decided to let me run again, which means the training trip to Kenya is still on! I am very excited to see what I can accomplish putting my running on the top of my list for the first time ever! I am also ready to see if I can shake the 130-140lb monkey I've had on my back this year... hmm... I'm starting to sense a trend... or maybe I just have an affinity for monkeys? Monkeys, hobbits, frogs... oh my!

2011 was definitely an interesting year for me as I finished up law school, moved to the south, studied for and passed the bar, started work in the real world... and oh yeah... decided to run a marathon... twice! I really just thought I'd knock out that whole marathon thing to say I had done one before entering the real world.... now I'm going off to Kenya to see if I can actually become a marathoner... weird.

Needless to say, I am uncertain of where this year will take me... but I'm excited to start it off with such a huge adventure. 

Running Through Injury

From the elite Olympians to the weekend warrior, we all have had to do it at some point.  We all have downed some Advil, wrapped our knees and ankles in tape; heck some of us have even used crutches up to the start line of our race, all just to make it to the end of our season.  We all arise each morning, waiting for that day when those first few steps out of bed will be pain free.

There is one injury that cannot be masked by pain killers and ice packs.  There is one injury that we cannot predict how long it will take to heal… A broken heart.  It’s funny how we runners are all totally game to talk about our injured past, but our throats close up and our words run dry when it comes to the topic of love and running. 

There’s a quiet hush that spreads over a dinner table of runners when the end of a relationship is brought up.  It’s like we all know that silent, lonely pain.  That unlike the hobbling we all do after a hard workout, or during those first few steps in the morning, a bruised, battered, and broken heart is sometimes enough to keep us from running that hard workout, or make getting out of bed in the morning nearly impossible.

Falling in love is like running in the snow.  You can get swept up off your feet… which puts you in the perfect position to fall flat on your bum. Only the bruise on your bottom will likely heal quicker than the bruise on your heart.

There are some runners who use their broken heart to fuel their fire.  They commit to putting their head down and running hard mile after hard mile, until life feels normal… livable… again.  There are those of us that run away to training camps… pack up our running lives and bring the shell of ourselves to a new place to train.  Sometimes tricking ourselves into thinking that the open wound in our chest has scabbed over and we are once again whole.

Everyone deals with a broken heart at some point in their life, and it’s not that I’m trying to say that we runners are special or that the “common” person’s pain doesn’t measure up against what we feel when a relationship ends.  It’s just that it is different for a runner.  Everything we do is pre-planned and calculated.  We learn over the years how to read our bodies.  We know what workouts will make us stronger, and what we need to do in order to avoid injury.  And when injury happens, we can snap into healing mode to try and fix it.  We know what doctors to go see, what exercises to do… we know how to come back from an injury smarter… stronger… with the ability to prevent that pain again.  You cannot apply the same prescription to a crushed heart.

Healing a broken heart is foreign to us.  There is no cast or walking boot that we can put our heart in for six weeks and come out healed, ready to slowly start tacking on the miles again.  Instead we are forced to run through this injury.

We runners are different.  We willingly push our bodies to the limit and then line up the next day to do it all over again.  We like structure.  We like being in control of our body, so that we can feel somewhat in control of our destiny.  We are used to the battle with our mind when the miles get tough and our muscles start to fatigue.  No amount of training can prepare us for the battle with our heart. 

There is no training program for us to follow that will help us get to the finish line in love, no plan to help us recover from love gone wrong.

Unlike non-runners, when a relationship ends we are immediately stuck straddling two worlds.  We’d like to stay in bed for days or drink beer after beer after beer or heck, even go out dancing just to prove we are still hot to trot.  But we can’t.  No matter how much our heart hurts or how heavy our chest feels, those miles aren’t going to run themselves… we don’t get to crawl into a dark hole, our running logs must be complete.  Sure, if we could time our break-ups we’d all pick them to happen at the end of our season, after that big race when you are on a runner’s high and when you’ve probably pre-planned a little beer drinking.  Unfortunately, like any injury you can’t predict when this one will strike.

Relationships for runners are an investment.  Our personalities are such that we don’t enter into anything lightly, so when it ends it stings that much more.  We are left with hundreds and thousands of miles where our brains have nothing to do but dwell and remember. 

We are runners.  We are strong and often admired for our perseverance.  Unfortunately this means that our competitive drive, our desire to conquer, our refusal to admit defeat will get the better of us, and we will pick at the scab of our wounded heart longer than others.  We will spend a few extra miles trying to understand how we could possibly be seen as cold or lacking compassion?

After enough running with a heavy heart we all slowly learn how to deal with this injury.  Our mileage runs return to their usual mindless wander, and we start to feel that lift again under our soles when we line up to race.  We come back stronger;  maybe not all that smarter (some of us still have a few frogs left to date), but back to our true form… of course always remembering that our truest significant other was there the entire time … running with us through our injury.

My Zoolander Appearance

So I’m only a few weeks away from Chicago and things seem like they are going pretty well… training wise anyways.  Last weekend I raced in the Canadian 10k Road Race Championships and took fourth behind Megan, Dayna, and Malindi.  No complaints here!

I felt like it had been forever since I had raced, and it felt great to get the cobwebs out.  I had a bit of tummy turmoil to deal with the two weeks leading into the race, but was able to take care of it before lining up to race on Saturday.  Not quite the best prep for a race I have had mentally, but some things just end up being out of our control eh?

I was pretty happy with how the race went out, aside from having to dodge a pack of men who decided to position themselves between the lead three women and Natasha and myself.  We went through 5k fairly quick, and then things got a little bit more hilly and quite full of turns. Needless to say that I felt a lot like Zoolander in the second half of the race… “I can’t turn left.”  I do think my training these last few months has made me pretty strong but I am definitely lacking that pep in my legs to take off and go on a course that zig-zags through the zoo. 

I did have a lot of fun rooming with my Chiba roommate again, Natasha, and got to meet a lot of the B.C. team.  They were a great bunch to do my shake out run with.  Si Si was able to make it for my race, and warmed up with Natasha and me, mouth full of chocolate and all! What a riot!

After the race, Si Si and I headed back down to London to see the fam for a bit… Holy geeze is my nephew Madden getting big!  Then we headed on to Michigan so I could see some law school buddies and she could go hang out with the boy (side note… if you have to pick between the puppy and the boy… always pick the puppy).  It was nice to throw back some beers and be done with the stresses that were weighing on me these last few weeks.  Now to just keep pressing forward until Chicago! “Just keep swimming” … err… I mean running ;).

I think I am adjusting to my double life as a runner and lawyer.  To be perfectly frank, life here in Chattanooga isn't exactly how I pictured it during my last year of school, and it certainly isn't always how I want it.  But unlike some, I'm not going to dwell on it with stubborn anger.  Time to dig in and run!

As a side note, I received a lot of feedback on my last blog about my on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, Mr. Running.  I’m glad that so many of you understood where I was coming from! If we can’t laugh about our twisted relationship with running, then why even bother doing it?

The Perfect Imperfect Boyfriend

Ok, so this is my return to blogging after a long hiatus. I really did mean to blog after the Ottawa Marathon, and then again after the Bar exam, and well, there is not a good excuse. Yes, I have been pretty busy, and those of you who know me well know that I basically live out my car right now, so I will rely on the excuse of pure exhaustion. Perhaps exhaustion and the total upheaval of moving down here, paired with not having things go quite as expected on all fronts… Right, Lanni Lesson – things never turn out as expected.

Anyways, since my marathon debut and writing the Bar, I have started working full time at Davis & Hoss, and kicked up my training again for the Chicago Marathon in October… eek… The 4:30am wake up to drive into town for my interval workouts and long runs was pretty painful to start, but I think I am slowly adjusting.

This morning I set out on top of Signal Mountain for another long long run, and by mile 15 parts of my body started to remind me that it was not the biggest fan of today’s activities. This kinda got my mind wandering, and I questioned “what keeps bringing me back to running”? After all of the hurt, the frustrations, the questioning of whether I should start dating rollerblading, I keep coming back for more. Am I a masochist? Do I like playing the victim? NO! I have come to the conclusion that my relationship with running is not at all like casual dating… running and I are in a very committed long term relationship.

Many of you have heard me previously refer to running as my boyfriend (http://www.ottawasun.com/2011/05/29/marchant-off-and-running ), and like any relationship, it has had some ups and downs. There have been times where I am so frustrated with running that I feel like hot venom is running through my veins. I have cussed running out. I have told running to hit the road and never come back. But, he never really takes my anger and frustration to heart. He knows that deep down I really do love running, that I have put my heart and soul into making things work between us, and most importantly, he understands me.  Yes… there is definitely love in our relationship… and it works both ways.

Running does not judge me or my family for how we grew up, and he does not question my morals or values. He has never turned his nose up at me (hmm… maybe when I forget to air out my shoes).

Running did not give me silent treatment because I allowed myself to get angry with the World for a day. Instead, running sat back and let me vent. I got out all my frustrations without being questioned on them or being told that my feelings were invalid. After a good venting, running was still there, asking if I was up for another 8 mile date the next day. Running will not stand by and let me just sit there and lick my wounds either.

Running lets me burp.

Running has never disappeared on me or ignored me after I have called him out for hurting my feelings. He never forgets me or overbooks his schedule. Yes, we sometimes need our space from each other… but I never have to go hunting him down, and I am not always the first to extend an olive branch after we have a fight.

Running like most boys, does not always get it. We have our differences... I admit that I have my days where I am just a pill to deal with. And man, do I give running huge props for putting up with me during those “off” days.

Running has never given up on me. He accepts my apologies when I make a mistake and get frustrated over something small. By no means is running my “biotch”; He barks back at me when necessary. But never any hits below the belt. I pull my own weight in our relationship. I listen to running when he tells me that he’s frustrated or mad at me. I let him vent (aka, take out his frustration on my shins, my pelvis, and my hip) and then come back and see if he still wants to chill later.

 Running understands that I have a mad crush on dancing.

Do not get me wrong. Running is not always the perfect boyfriend. But none of us are perfect. And I’ll be damned… running accepts that. I pity the fool who doesn’t.

Going out with a Bang!

Well everyone! I officially did it! I have graduated from law school (x2) - that is, I have completed both my Canadian and American law degrees! It was definitely a killer last few weeks, with exams, training, and packing/moving. Needless to say, I had to miss quite a few days of running - some due to pure exhaustion, and others because I'd get out the door and my right hip or right shin were just not having it. The best I have been able to do is pretty much run every other day, sometimes I'd get two days in a row - I have been trying to throw in some tempo work mid-run, but have not done a true workout in weeks. I really have no idea what to expect in Ottawa at the end of the month ... eek

Anyways, back to that whole finishing law school thing - I finished my last law school assignment on Wednesday, a negotiation in the morning, and then later that evening joined the rest of my law school friends downtown for celebration activities... and celebrate (and dance like a fool) I did! Ha! Perhaps a little more celebrating than I had planned ... hmm... yeah, best to leave er at that. I did manage to get out for a run the next day - later in the afternoon of course, and finished up packing up my apartment as best I could before my family and guests arrived to spend the night for grad the next day.
The graduation ceremony itself was pretty good, aside from the fact that the majority of the people I know at MSU are 2Ls and therefore, don't graduate until next year (oh sad face). I did have my Ottawa friend Michael to keep me company as we both sat there sweating like crazy under our gowns (the lack of AC in the building definitely did not help matters).
After the ceremony I finished packing up my apartment and hit the road for my road trip down to the Marine Corp Historic Half Marathon in Fredricksburg, VA with my former teammates Shannon and Alaina. I stopped in Pittsburg for the night on Friday, and had another mini graduation celebration (no where near the extent of Wednesday though). Then Saturday I got up and finished the drive to VA, with a quick stop in Washington, DC to drive around and see the sights and grab a burger.
The half marathon was this morning, and of course, after my stressful weeks of studying, moving, kinda training, and well, my last few days of celebrating and driving in a car for hours on end, I woke up with the worst sore throat and thick chest (aka, lung butter) ever. But the race was supposed to be fun, and I tried to shake it off. The course was beautiful, but hilly .... OMG was it ever hilly... there was one cruel cruel hill, that you hit somewhere after the 10 mile mark I think, which took a good 3 minutes to run up. Umm... just to clarify, there aren't really any hills in East Lansing or Okemos! After the first few miles of the race, and after going up and down a million times already, I decided to relax my effort and just focus on being the first female. I was fortunate to have an experienced historic half runner, Jeff, keep me company for the majority of the race. Thank God! I do not think I have ever felt worse in a race. He gave me warning when the hills were coming up, and zig-zagged around to give me the inside on the turns. Ok, so lesson learned, celebrations to the extent of Wednesday night probably should not happen the days leading up to a race, at least not leading up to a hilly and humid half marathon.
But  yeah, I met the goal of being the first female, ran a horrible time, but got a cool trophy and a $100 gift card. My girlfriends ran amazingly, both of them have never raced that far before - and I'm pretty sure that their training runs didn't go beyond 11 or 12 miles either.
After the race, I grabbed a quick shower and hit the road again soon after. Another 9ish hours later, I arrived here in Chattanooga, TN, my trip finally complete. I am not really that sore from the race (I didn't run nearly hard enough to be sore), but my chest and throat hate me, payback from exams I suppose... damn cooties.
So, yeah, LAW SCHOOL IS DONE! I celebrated, had a killer road trip, and now get to start my Bar Prep course tomorrow... I am pretty sure I ended my law school career in an entertaining and interesting fashion. True Lanni form no doubt.
Oh well, time for some rest and hopefully a quick bounce back!

So how about some fat kid breathing?

http://www.montrealendurance.com/media/coverage-of-canada-running-series-21kdemtl/
So the Canadian Half Marathon Championships were two weeks ago, and as some of you know I was less than pleased with my performance. The event itself was really well organized and we "elites" were treated like gold, I was just frustrated with the outcome. Now that I have had some time to reflect on the race, I really am not all that disappointed anymore. Yes I still wish I had placed and/or ran faster, but there is nothing I can do about that now but look forward and get back up on the horse. As I'm sure most have heard by now, the course was windy - and no, it was not the nice tail-wind they had at Boston. I'm talking huge gusts from the front and the side that would blow you back 5ft if you weren't careful (let me just say, I wasn't very careful).
To be honest, I have been struggling this last month to get my body back to feeling like normal (I mean Lanni-normal). My stride has been off since my left calf decided to tear a bit leading up to the Around the Bay 30k, which caused me to compensate and end up with some really tight IT bands. Add to this that my body has just generally been revolting against me - head colds, girl issues, tummy turmoil... u name it, and it's no wonder that even once I got my stride back I then felt totally out of shape and like I was breathing like a fat kid at fat camp.
The 5k this past Friday in London, Ontario made me feel like I was on the road back. My stride released and I felt like a normal runner again (just a little winded from my head cold). Just when I thought "Yippie! My body is cooperating again!" Flash to yesterday (Monday) evening, where the right side of my bum/pelvis/hip jammed up so bad that I had to walk it in the last mile. I was pretty annoyed considering I had a really good tempo going up until that point. At least I know that my fitness is not as far off as I thought, and I just need to get my hips and pelvis to square out again and my right hamstring to release and I will be back on track. Should be fun to try and do that while I now spend the majority of my waking hours studying for MY LAST SET OF LAW SCHOOL FINALS! Hopefully things release in the next few days as I have the last portion of my 2 Feet and a Heartbeat (www.Lannimarchant.wordpress.com) this weekend in Chattanooga, TN. I am really very lucky that there are such supportive and generous people out there. I cannot wait to be able to pay it forward some day!
Aside from the run-a-thon, I have my marathon coming up at the end of May. Hopefully the little speed bump that is my jammed up right hip will be a thing of the past in a few days and I can keep building and getting my wind back.

Running to the Bar

So this weekend was the last portion of my run-a-thon "2Feet and a Heartbeat" down in Tennessee. I was going to run from Ringgold Georgia, to Chattanooga, TN, but due to the crazy tornadoes they had down here just prior to my arrival, I decided to go with a less debris ridden route. I ran from Nikajack Lake, up highway 41 to Raccoon Mountain. Let me just say it was hilly and HOT! I am going to really have to adjust to the heat again when I come down here this summer to study for the bar and train!
The run-a-thon was more successful than I ever could have imagined! Thank you all for your amazing support and donations. I hope that within the next year I can sort out how to do something similar for other struggling post-college student athletes, and will definitely keep everyone posted! But for now I am just thankful that I can now sign up for the Bar prep course and sit for the Bar at the end of July!
It was a really pretty run - I love it down here in Chattanooga! 
This quick trip was for more than just my run-a-thon, I was able to move some of my stuff down here and... I got a J-O-B for when I finish studying and taking the Bar! Yippie!
As an update from my jammed up hip from last week - it is feeling quite a bit better, though I still feel like it is pretty tight and locks up a bit on me. I think with a bit more work on my hamstrings and hip-flexors, it will be totally back to normal.

Powered by Mizuno

Look above! I have a sponsor - Mizuno Canada! I am so excited and happy that they have decided to pick me up and provide me with some gear! I will happily be wearing my Mizuno race gear this Sunday at the Canadian Half Marathon Championships in Montreal. Actually, I am sitting in my hotel room right now (Thank you Canada Running Series) and thought that updating my blog was a welcomed break from trying to do homework.

I am really excited to race tomorrow - of course I have some crazy nerves running through my body, but I am attributing most of it to excitement. I do not feel as sharp as I did in the Fall, but I do feel really strong! I am hoping the combo of strength, proper racing flats, and "cookie cutters" (small wool inserts under my arches), will help me to a fast time and keep my calves from cramping up in the last few miles of the race. Of course the travel to this trip was not without some bumps, as my initial flight out of Lansing was cancelled. Having an actual ticket and not flying on stand-by (hello Hawaii trip), made things still go smoothly, however I did not even leave Detroit until my original flight was landing in Montreal. It made for a later arrival than I had planned, but the race coordinators here are amazing and Anh was a trooper for making yet another trip to the airport to pick me up at 8pm.

These last few weeks have been interesting training wise. My calves were totally messed after the ATB 30k, and it took about a week for them to relax to where they were somewhat run-able. Thankfully, the weather was clear enough for me to rollerblade! They were still very angry with me about a week later, so I went to the Playmakers Injury Clinic and was seen by Sue. What a wonder-worker! She worked on my legs a bit and suggested the cookie cutters. Within a day my calves felt totally normal again, and I was able to get back to running and do some mile repeats! It was perfect timing, as I was starting to feel like it was going to be another Spring filled with rollerblading. It also let me do a 17 mile long run with the Farmington group and do my London 2 Feet and a Heartbeat run-a-thon!
 

As it was my birthday weekend, it was fun to be home in London and see my family and incorporate my fundraiser. It was really great of Brandon Laan to let me meet up with his run group before I took off to Dorchester. Next up is the Georgia to Tennessee Run-a-thon at the end of the month. I am so thankful for all of your support and donations. I am still working towards my end goal, so if you know anyone who would be interested in donating, please forward the link (www.lannimarchant.wordpress.com). Ok, that's enough of a plug =P

I really am still in shock over the amount of support and assistance I have received these last few weeks! After this weekend I go into crunch time for exams and then the whirlwind of this final semester will finally be over! It has been a blast, but man, I am so ready to be out of school and on to the next chapter!

I'm not sure if you can follow the race live tomorrow, but if I find something out, I'll post a link for everyone here and on my facebook page! Regardless, it is going to be a pretty amazing race with some awesome competition! Ohh, I'm excited! 

Wish me luck! I'll give you all a play-by-play when it's all over and done with!

2 Feet and a Heartbeat

Well, it is finally here! Tomorrow is the first leg of my "2 Feet and a Heartbeat" Run-a-thon! I must say that since my last post things have definitely turned around! You all have been so generous and I have once again been reminded that I have some truly amazing friends and people in my life. One thing that I will definitely take from this whole experience is that it is OK to ask for help. 
I am so grateful to have had Alan Brookes take interest in my fundraiser and help me get the word out (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UNPh12_SOY&feature=related ) and am even more grateful to all of you who stepped up and helped a girl out! I was fortunate enough to be interviewed about 2 Feet by Canadian Running Magazine (http://runningmagazine.ca/2011/04/sections/news/around-the-bay-runner-up-raising-funds-for-law-school/), and was again totally surprised for my lil' run-a-thon to be receiving so much attention.
I am really excited to see if I can make this fundraiser take off and benefit other athletes like myself - grad-student-athletes or just those who are good, but do not quite qualify for funding assistance. 
I will be posting pics and video (hopefully) from the event tomorrow - so be sure to check back here or go tohttp://www.lannimarchant.wordpress.com/ to see my fundraiser updates!

Now onto my recent training/racing updates -

As some of you know, last week I competed in the Around the Bay 30k! Now lemme tell you, this race is amazing - a bit of a beast at times - but such a great event. I was so lucky to carpool from Michigan up to Hamilton with Dave, MB, and Mark - three runners I met this fall while doing some workouts with their group in Farmington (coached by former ATB winner Paul Aufdemberge) - who definitely made the trip entertaining and were full of little tips about how to get through the longer races. Huge props to Stefania for letting us all tag along with her for her dinner reservations the night before the race - amazing food!
Let's see, what did I learn while running 30k? That starting the race with a tight calf is going to make running up the hills in final kms of the race quite interesting - like trying to run without putting one's left foot on the ground interesting - and that I need to find a gu/gel to take that does not kill my insides. All in all, I really did enjoy running the race - I like the challenge of learning how to race the long stuff! Huge props to Dayna Pidhoresky - the women's winner - she went for it from the gun and is definitely making her mark on female running in Canada!!
This week after the race, I wish I could say I have enjoyed it - but man, I don't know if it was because my calf was so tight or what, but on Sunday and Monday night my left shin was purple and I could press my finger in it and have an indentation that lasted for a few minutes - thank god for ice cups, tennis balls, and compression socks =P My calf is still a little tight, but by Wednesday I could find my shin bone again - Yeah Me!
Needless to say, I took this week very easy and was able to run the Martian 10k today in Dearborn, Michigan. I will say that there was no "pep" in my step at all - but I ran consistent and felt like I could have kept my pace going for longer. After the 10k, my calves were pretty tight, but I went for a 40 min rollerblade this afternoon and that seems to have helped knock out the junk! Yes - my first official rollerblade of the year!! It was a little chilly - but geeze it felt great!
While in Dearborn I was able to knock off another burger joint from my list - despite what Relish.com says, I question how this burger ended up ranked in the top 25 in the USA - it was ok, but it will not be ranked in MY top 25!
Speaking of burgers and rollerblading, I have decided two things after the ATB 30k
#1 - I need to refocus my training and cross-training - I need some "pep" and the rollerblading today has made me well aware that my bum and hips are not nearly as strong as they were a few months ago
#2 - I am going to keep a food diary for a few weeks - no, not for weight or "diet" purposes - As I mentioned a few months ago, I cannot seem to get my insides to cooperate on my runs and I think writing down what and when I eat might help me figure out what is going on - u'd think that by this point of the semester I would have learned what to pack in my lunch - but something seems to come up every day and I never end up following any sort of schedule

My goals are:
- to get my muscles back in balance (BONUS - a cute bum in jeans!)
- figure out how many hours I need between meals and hard or easy training sessions!

Ok, I think that's all I had for ya today - please keep checking for updates about 2 Feet! If you are around Okemos or Bath Michigan, please come out and cheer!

Irish Luck

Alright, once again it has been a while since my last post - but I come bearing loads of news and updates! Let's see - first, I was lucky enough to make my way out to Hawaii for the Great Aloha Run! Now, just to clarify, I was only able to make the trip happen thanks to a very generous loan to pay for my tickets, my willingness to play the "game" of stand-by flights, the great connections Brandon and Chantelle have in Hawaii, and the great generosity of David Carlsson! It really was an amazing race and a great trip. Now I just have to wait for the race winnings to come in and sign them over to pay back the loan - oh sad face.

After my fun filled/free adventure in Hawaii (which you can read about here: http://www.lfpress.com/sports/columnists/morris_dalla_costa/2011/02/24/17400836.html ), I ventured back to Michigan (and the snow) just in time to drive to Canada to run the Really Chilly 10k in my hometown (London, Ontario). My legs felt pretty sluggish on the Friday and Saturday leading into the race, but I was able to run pretty relaxed and keep my finishing time under the embarrassment line - 35:17 - not a PR by any means, but heck, I'll take it. It really was a fun event - Steve hooked me up and my baby sister (well not so baby at all anymore) saved my bum by volunteering to help out on the race course. I was able to warm up with Brandon, and cool down with Leslie Sexton - it was nice to chat with someone else who is switching up their training (though she is focusing on some shorter stuff, and I am entering her world of higher mileage).

From the Really Chilly I went back to Michigan for a week of classes before heading to Chattanooga for my Spring break - to be spent running, searching for apartments, and testing the waters about my future employment. The week started out really well - with a 16 miler where I started out running up Ruby Falls on Lookout mountain, ran back down, and then continued to run all the way back to Red Bank (http://connect.garmin.com/activity/71798128), a workout on my favourite loop by the golf course, and a meeting with the C.O.W.S. The week came to a bit of a slump as my legs (well my hips and pelvis really) started to become really bothersome and begging for some sort of physio, and the apartment search was kinda cruddy. Despite the low points, the trip was great and I definitely enjoyed being back in Chattanooga. While down there I was fortunate enough to be the first of Brandon's uncut interviews for his new website http://www.runnersfeed.com/ - check it out (and the interview http://runnersfeed.com/lanni-marchant-interview/)

And now we are caught up to this week! After taking Sunday and Monday off completely, I still felt really sore and just tired in general. I tried most every trick I know, but am thinking I might have to suck it up and try to move some funds around and find a place that gives discounted massages. I felt ok running Tues-Thurs, but then ended up taking Friday off again because of the lack of sleep I had on Thurs (not from St. Patty's day I assure) and the very busy day I had on Friday, that left me starving and irritable at 7pm. Despite the crud of the week I had, I was pre-registered to do the Irish Jig, and decided to go ahead and giver a try - Coach Dave tells me from time to time that sometimes it just takes a race to knock the junk out of your body - I certainly hope it did the trick! I ended up second with a 17:22, not nearly a time I wanted - but considering I raced horribly there last year (18 something) and the super chilly morning, I'll take it! I'm just hoping my body feels recovered for next week's 30k race in Hamilton.

Finally, I have decided it is finally time that I post a link to my fundraiser page - http://www.lannimarchant.wordpress.com/- I have been sending it out to small groups of people I know well (via facebook and email), and have raised a grand total of $1. I am hoping that maybe someone will click on the link and be willing to forfeit their $5 footlong and help a girl out. At first I was a little embarrassed to have this link viewable to those who don't really know me personally and who don't really know my entire background and how hard it is for me to ask for help, but I have decided that there really is nothing to be ashamed of - I've made it this far on my own and have pinched every penny I have and have exhausted every other option (including donating plasma (which might be part of the reason why my body feels like mud these days - did you know if your little like me, you only get $30 bucks a pop for your first five visits, and then it drops to $15?! don't get me wrong, I'm not going to turn down 15 bucks). I am hoping for some last minute Irish Luck and hope that someone out there can provide a little help or at least send my link along to someone who can!

Anyways, that is all I want to say about that! I hope that this entry has caught you all up on my last month of craziness - next up - the 30k!